


Act # 7

by w_akatoshi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depression, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Some fluff if you squint, Sorry Not Sorry, Triggers, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-12 01:18:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5648521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/w_akatoshi/pseuds/w_akatoshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa comes home to a disaster.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Act # 7

**Author's Note:**

> not my first fic but first time posting here. go easy on me lol also depressed iwaizumi warning.

He's chewing on a slice of pizza.

He's been doing this for quite a while.  
Jaw slacking then flexing upwards to chew on the bread. Up, down; up and down.

He's still chewing on the slice of pizza. Same slice, different time.  
He's losing the face of reality, it really doesn't matter.  
The dead silence around him doesn't make it better.  
The lights are dim, shadows slowly retreating.  
He guesses what time it is from the surrounding.  
The microwave is 3 steps away from him;  
He doesn't take the time to look at it.

The slice of pizza is missing. When did he finish it?  
What was the taste of the last bite? He's feeling thirsty now,  
like it's a common mechanism for his body.  
He lifts himself off the chair,  
metal legs and back support so cold.  
His body, he realizes, is light on thin air.  
Was he eating properly?  
Does he need to exercise more than he usually does?

The door of the fridge gave a hushed ' plop ' sound.  
He reaches to grab a water bottle, the cold crawling on his palm.  
He pushes the door back, hand circling around the cap  
of the bottle and made a twisting movement.

Iwaizumi gulped down the liquid in his throat.  
He felt the water touch the depths of his stomach,  
consciously hearing the currents it's making.  
The slow taps -- he's feeling cold now.  
His head moves, facing the rear window.  
The skies are grey, faint hints of sun.  
If he were to put it on a canvas, it'd likely turn out very different.  
He would put it as how his eyes sees it, decayed and uninteresting.

His gaze lands on something else, the dishes in the sink.  
A couple of plates, cups and silverware.  
He doesn't even remember when was the last time he ate.  
There's a shallow feeling inside of him, lingering and swallowing.  
He cleans the table up to get this done;  
to somehow finish something that will actually make him feel content.

Iwaizumi rotated the faucet to start the water running.  
He takes the blue sponge on his left,  
placing the right amount quantity of soap on top of it.  
His hand slightly scrunches the sponge to let it absorb the liquid soap,  
he takes one plate on his left hand and began to clean it.

He doesn't know, doesn't check, how long it took him to wash all the dishes.  
Doesn't remember if he took his time, doesn't try to understand that the course of time  
is like sand. It passed him by so quickly, leaving the boy oblivious to his own account.  
Iwaizumi wipes his hand on his shirt, he's wearing an old top.  
One of a few from his junior year, a superhero shirt.  
The colors are faded from too much washing.  
He doesn't notice, doesn't recall, of how many times he's worn this.  
It bothers him now, yet his face doesn't show the frustration he's going through.  
Inside he's burning up, he can't get himself to be angry.  
The one thing he knows he's good at but why?  
Why can't he get mad at himself? It's his fault why the shirt has been used a lot.  
It's his fault he can't eat properly, his own fault why he can't do  
something about this mess inside his head.  
His own fault why his body is feeling all cold right now.  
Iwaizumi doesn't know this body at all, his eyes are blank.  
Hallowed, as if he was blind.

He moves places to another, finding the room he sleeps in.  
The area is clean, nothing to tell himself to clean later.  
Nothing to do, nothing. He checks his closet out for a new shirt and sweatpants.  
Maybe he'll go for something more interesting if he sees any.  
He grabs the ' local beach boy ' shirt resting on the top section,  
there's a glint of smile on his face.  
He remembers, the memory flashing by him.  
The joy is choking him out, was he supposed to feel  
this way after remembering?

He quick stepped to the bathroom,  
he wants to free himself from these thoughts.  
They were quick to get to his nerves and Iwaizumi is having none of it.  
He starts to fill the tub with hot water,  
once it reached a good amount he replaces it with cold water.  
He stops the water when the temperature felt right to his hand.  
He then grabs a bottle from the top rack  
where he keeps all the body cleansing materials.  
He lifts the cap off and drops a few on the tub.  
He places it back after sealing it.

Couple of seconds pass and the tub is slightly foamy.  
Bubbles, everywhere. Iwaizumi undresses himself,  
rids the garments that covers him.  
He neatly folds them and hangs it on the towel rack.  
He takes a step in the tub, body slowly retreating down.  
He gets himself to lay back, left arm resting on top of  
the edge, the other inside the water.  
He tries to do breathing cycles, it has  
been said to make someone calm.  
Of course he's tried that a million times,  
doesn't count how much he does in a day.  
He will lose count, after all.

That invisible chain in his chest became heavier,  
more than it has since he came up to.  
Iwaizumi doesn't remember waking up today,  
doesn't know what he did right after his eyes opened.  
He's doing really bad at life, why is he feeling all locked up?  
Why is he losing all motivation?

Why does it feel like there's nothing more important in this world to remember?

Would that make it his fault, then?

Wouldn't it be easier if he can just blame it on someone?

It's their fault, he thinks.

Their fault why he can't put his mind in peace.

Iwaizumi wants out. Wants nothing but peaceful thoughts,  
peaceful surrounding, peace. He wants to be at ease,  
at the seams of delight. He wants to be happy,  
he wants and only wants. In the end, it's all nothing but selfish acts.  
He recalls, he's not the only one in this position.  
Some are in worst, some barely surviving.  
His eyes shift into an unreadable expression,  
why would those people matter to him?  
Does he matter to them?  
Do those people think the same way that he does?

No, they don't feel the same. They do not know how he feels.

He felt empty, right there.  
The water is calling out to him, suddenly it feels all too familiar.  
He feels the world sinking into him, and yet he still feels shallow.  
His whole body goes numb, he's becoming light headed.  
He shifts, he's going down. Down under, down to where he belongs.  
He only hopes to wake up somewhere he could be happy.  
There's a faint call to his name.

" Iwa-chan? ".

He closes his eyes, lets the world win against this battle.

" Iwa-chan!!! ". Is this going to be his goodbye?

 

 

It's very strange, when Iwaizumi feels himself a little faint.  
His eyes are all blurry, but he could tell what's happening around him.  
There's a constant beeping sound, on his left.  
His eyes are still half lidded, switching to look at his bottom right.  
A door, a glass window. There are people passing by,  
some of them are wearing lab coats. Iwaizumi puts them all together,  
he's in the hospital. He's done it again.

" Iwa-chan? ". At the call of his name, by the familiar voice,  
he knows. He remembers. He's made Oikawa worried again.  
He found where the voice came from, Oikawa was at his side.  
His eyes are all red from all the crying.  
Iwaizumi thinks for so long that Oikawa  
comes out a little ugly when he cries.  
This time it hurt him, to see Oikawa pained.

" Tooru.. ". Iwaizumi's voice is soft and low. He reached out slowly,  
to catch those tears that dare come out of Oikawa's eyes.  
He wipes them with his thumb, they feel heavy.  
Oikawa leaned into his touch, his own hand  
coming up to hold the back of Iwaizumi's.

The former ace can't bring himself to say he's not going to do it again.  
Can't bring himself to help Oikawa remove all those uneasiness in him.

" I thought I was gonna lose you there, Iwa-chan.  
You made me panic so much that even I, Oikawa Tooru,  
don't even have the idea what to do anymore ".  
Iwaizumi snorted, he's smiling now.  
Oikawa sniffs, tries to regain his composure.

" Aren't you a little unfair sometimes, iwa-chan?  
I know I can be hard to handle, but you didn't need to go dying on me like that ".  
Oikawa stumbles on his words, tries not choke out.  
He's mildly controlling himself from breaking down,  
he knows he sounded selfish.  
Iwaizumi doesn't think Oikawa is making  
him feel guilty, he understands.

" I'm sorry, Tooru. For making you go through this _again_.  
I promised that I will stay with you for better or for worst, yet here I am.  
Suffering at my worst and chose the easiest way out. I'm sorry ".  
Iwaizumi's made Oikawa cry too much for his own sake.  
The latter shook his head, wiping his tears on his arm.

" It's alright. Everything is alright now.  
You don't need to think about anything else.  
Just know that I'm going to be here till we grow old  
and can't play volleyball anymore ".  
Oikawa hears Iwaizumi chuckling under his breath.  
He's been doing a bad job at reassuring his husband that he's going nowhere.  
Iwaizumi tries to sit up, Oikawa tells him to stay down and rest.  
The other waves it off, saying he's okay.

" Just rest and don't move too much iwa chan. You need- ".  
Oikawa is pulled away from his seat,  
words were cut by Iwaizumi connecting them with a kiss.  
It takes Oikawa a blink of an eye before he responded, pressing  
his own lips harder against Iwaizumi's. They move slowly,  
Oikawa's hand finds itself on the other's chest.  
Iwaizumi trying to pull his lover closer,  
resulting to Oikawa to laugh at his antics.

" What? ".

" I didn't know iwa-chan likes hospital sex ".

" Shut up. How could you even talk like that in front of a patient? ".

" Oh you know me, I try my best to please the person I love the most ".

Iwaizumi goes bright red at the last part of that sentence.  
Oikawa baring his emotions wasn't new to him, he was really clingy after all.

" Is that why you're annoying most of the time? ".

" so rude, iwa-chan!! ".

" I'm kidding. I love you, Tooru ".

This time it's Oikawa's turn to feel embarrassed.  
His neck up to his ears are feeling hot, the skin shining with red.  
He still can't believe how Iwaizumi could make his walls turn into ruins in less than a second.

He doesn't wonder why he stayed, after all this time. Neither of them ever did.

" I love you too, Hajime ".


End file.
